


If It Is Real, It Will Never Be Over

by VividDayDreamer



Series: Find The Love You Were Meant To Have [2]
Category: Carmen Sandiego (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: Angst, Carmen and Jules Belong Together, Carulia, Declarations Of Love, Depression, Don’t copy to another site, Drinking to Cope, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Happy Ending, Heartache, Loneliness, Lost Love, Mild Sexual Content, Player watches out for Carmen, Smoking, Song Based, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, and always has her back, carjules, even if she sometimes hates him for it, hook-ups
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-14 07:05:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18047858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VividDayDreamer/pseuds/VividDayDreamer
Summary: Years had gone by after Julia and Carmen's break-up, but time didn't quite seem to heal the Lady in Red.  She tried to move on, but there's a constant void in her life, and she resorts to unhealthy ways to deal with it.  Player is there to ground her and have her find sense, when she is lost.  He tries his best to have her find the happiness she deserves, back with the woman he knew she's always loved.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The continuation of the broken love story. Based on a song...again.

Carmen Sandiego, once abandoned, stranded on the side of the road, and had found refuge with her adopted family on V.I.L.E. isle, but lost that. She was once a loner with no friends, having to finally feel a sense of belonging with her fellow classmates, but she lost that as well. She had once believed she had a good life, one that was fulfilling and served a purpose, one for good, but that too was long gone. Carmen thought about that last brief statement, stressing on it even further.

After leaving V.I.L.E. she found renewed strength, determined to bring an end to the organization's disruptive and evil intentions. She trained hard, collaborated with Player, recruited Ivy and Zack, and showed her ex-family what she was made of. Continued success made her cocky, warranted though, considering how proud she had been to be able to foil their plans over and over again, slowly disassembling every asset they owned. Years of that had gone on, and she was happy. She had friends, she had purpose, she was helping people, and she had found love. Love. Carmen shook her head vigorously at that word.

She, like everyone else that had fallen into its graces, had been burned by being so close to it. After losing Julia, admittedly by her own accord, the way she felt had never been the same. There was a gap in her life, one that she had tried filling with superficial outlets, hoping to bury that loneliness and need for affection, even if it be temporary. That usually left her turning to the things that didn't make her proud. Alcohol, smoking, random hookups at the bar, anything, to fill that need. These vices though, were kept at bay, indulging in it at a minimum, and in secrecy, away from everyone's knowledge. If there was any strength left in her, it was focused on taking down V.I.L.E. She had dedicated too much time, given up so much of her life, that she couldn't, in good nature, allow herself to lose focus. There'd been too much that V.I.L.E. had done to her, directly or otherwise, that she needed to see it through to the end. Years of her life was spent on this life-long mission, and miraculously, one day, it came to an end.

Now in her late twenties, Carmen had finally taken down V.I.L.E., destroying all their assets, returning all the stolen property they had acquired over years, and indirectly handed over all their agents to A.C.M.E. It was over. 

She, Ivy, Zack, Player and Shadowsan rejoiced at finally putting this all behind them, leaving a door open for a new path in life. A new beginning, with enough monetary resources of their own to allow them to do so. Carmen urged her younger compatriots to live out their life and enjoy it. They deserved every bit of it. 

Ivy and Zack didn't hesitate. Having traveled to so many parts of the world with the crew, they had kept a list of all the places they wanted to go back to, and they were happy to do so. They assured Carmen that once they had seen their fill or needed a break, that they'd come back and visit. 

Player, relieved of not having to worry about V.I.L.E. threatening his friends, or doing some other misdeed in the world, didn't really have large ambitions like Zack and Ivy did. He was quite content at doing what he did, and his experience while working with Team Red, definitely opened his eyes to other opportunities where he could do some good. He continued using his hacking skills for the same purpose, venturing deeper into the dark web to make more of an impact.

Shadowsan, feeling that he no longer had to hide in the shadows from his past companions at V.I.L.E., had wanted to try building a better relationship with Carmen. He had regretted not being able to guide her the way a parent should have, and was hoping to try to do so now. Carmen, appreciated his offer and sincerely wanted to try, but she wasn't ready for that part of her life yet. She needed to live her life alone, away from everyone and everything, allowing her to feel free and tend to what she needed for herself. Shadowsan understood this, realizing how much she had sacrificed and had gone through, and guaranteed that he will wait for her when she was ready to come...home.

Having her merry band of cohorts dispersed, Carmen ventured off to fulfill her own life. She had seen so many places through the years, and, like Zack and Ivy, had also kept a list of places she wanted to revisit, but this time, as a tourist. She attempted it for a while, but the thrill and excitement was lacking. She was still intrigued by the history and took pleasure in the artistic offerings of each location, but the trip always felt empty. Many nights, she found herself in a bad place, usually drunk or hungover the next day, vaguely remembering what she had done the night before. She'd slept around too, trying to find someone to latch onto, someone who she could happily call a companion, but even there, she failed. The loneliness started to eat at her, causing her bouts of depression.

It had been nearly six months of this and nothing was going to change, had it not been for that single, friendly call.

"Red?"

"Player?" she questioned over the phone, voice hoarse, as she sat up and held her head, fighting yet another headache.

"It's me, Red. I haven't heard from you in a while. Thought I'd check up. Glad I did. You sound like shit. Sick?"

Carmen groaned. "You could say that."

"I hope Shadowsan's taking care of you. Where are you these days?"

"Shadowsan's...not here. I've been traveling...solo..."

Carmen squinted her eyes from the bright sun that forced its way through the cheap blinds of the motel she was staying at. She scrambled off the bed, reaching over to the nightstand to find a bottle of water.

"Traveling solo eh? Guess you aren't tired of visiting around the globe. Where are you now?"

Carmen had to think about that for a while. She wasn't quite sure. She moved around so frequently these days, desperate to find a place that felt comfortable to her, that she couldn't really keep track. It was one spontaneous trip after another.Carmen Sandiego, once abandoned, stranded on the side of the road, and had found refuge with her adopted family on V.I.L.E. isle, but lost that. She was once a loner with no friends, having to finally feel a sense of belonging with her fellow classmates, but she lost that as well. She had once believed she had a good life, one that was fullfilling and served a purpose, one for good, but that too was long gone. Carmen thought about that last brief statement, stressing on it even further.

After leaving V.I.L.E. she found renewed strength, determined to bring an end to the organization's disruptive and evil intentions. She trained hard, collaborated with Player, recruited Ivy and Zack, and showed her ex-family what she was made of. Continued success made her cocky, warranted though, considering how proud she had been to be able to foil their plans over and over again, slowly disassembling every asset they owned. Years of that had gone on, and she was happy. She had friends, she had purpose, she was helping people, and she had found love. Love. Carmen shook her head vigorously at that word.

She, like everyone else that had fallen into its graces, had been burned by being so close to it. After losing Julia, admittedly by her own accord, the way she felt had never been the same. There was a gap in her life, one that she had tried filling with superficial outlets, hoping to bury that loneliness and need for affection, even if it be temporary. That usually left her turning to the things that didn't make her proud. Alcohol, smoking, random hookups at the bar, anything, to fill that need. These vices though, were kept at bay, indulging in it at a minimum, and in secrecy, away from everyone's knowledge. If there was any strength left in her, it was focused on taking down V.I.L.E. She had dedicated too much time, given up so much of her life, that she couldn't, in good nature, allow herself to lose focus. There'd been too much that V.I.L.E. had done to her, directly or otherwise, that she needed to see it through to the end. Years of her life was spent on this life-long mission, and miraculously, one day, it came to an end.

Now in her late twenties, Carmen had finally taken down V.I.L.E., destroying all their assets, returning all the stolen property they had acquired over years, and indirectly handed over all their agents to A.C.M.E. It was over. 

She, Ivy, Zack, Player and Shadowsan rejoiced at finally putting this all behind them, leaving a door open for a new path in life. A new beginning, with enough monetary resources of their own to allow them to do so. Carmen urged her younger compatriots to live out their life and enjoy it. They deserved every bit of it.

She took a swallow of water from a half empty bottle of Aquafina, then looked around the room. It was some motel with horrible, cheap decor, but generic enough that she honestly could have been anywhere. She didn't want to alarm Player. Carmen knew how smart the guy was, and didn't want him to worry, or worse, start prying.

"An island in Asia," she said, guessing. "It's really early here and I was up late. All this traveling...I think the jet-lag is really getting to me," she continued, clearing her throat.

On the other end, Carmen could hear Player typing away. She knew what he was doing.

"Looking me up anyway. Aren't you?" she said, with a sigh.

"You know me well," Player joked. "I just did a triangulation on the cell towers to find you. Just like the good 'ol days, eh?" he chuckled.

She looked over at the side table and saw that the clock read 6:23am. She shrugged, thinking at she was at least not straight up lying to him. She figured there was no way he'd just ignore the idea of not knowing exactly where she was. She found her vape sitting within arm's reach and decided that a morning round wouldn't hurt. She inhaled a few times, breathing in deep. Needing to go to the bathroom, she got up from the bed and stumbled over her bag, landing on her face, next to a few empty beer cans.

"Fuck!" she cursed out, as the phone fell away from her grasp.

"Red? Red. Are you okay?"

Slowly picking up herself from the ground, she tried to recompose herself.

"Yea, I'm fine. Just me being clumsy," she responded, rubbing at her jaw.

"You hungover?"

"Why...do you ask?"

"You're in Ibiza, you liar. I'm guessing you've been out partying."

Carmen chuckled. "Can't fool you, can I?"

"Never can. I know you Red."

Carmen and Player had grown close. As close as siblings, if they had to describe their relationship. They've always looked out for each other, lectured each other on poor choices, and encouraged the good ones. They learned each other's ticks, preferences and the like, even though they'd honestly never met in person. It was a boundary Player had always kept, and one that Carmen respected and never really questioned. Regardless of the somewhat impersonal relationship they had, they knew each other. The tone in their voices was everything. The way Player said that last phrase, meant he knew that something was up. He knew something wasn't right, and Carmen knew it.

"So. Wanna tell me what's really going on?" he asked.

"It's like you said. I was out partying. I'm hungover. I can't even begin to tell you how right you are of that last bit. My head is throbbing."

Carmen was trying to play it out, but her voice was still hoarse, and in the midst of their short conversation, Player had taken it upon himself to pull up Carmen's itinerary over the past few months. It was invasive of her privacy, but, when he had a gut feeling about something, he followed it, especially when it came to his friends.

"That's a fine establishment you're staying in, Red. I think I saw it was rated two stars. Ranked on a site that warns of the shittiest places to stay," he said with much sarcasm.

Carmen smiled as she ran her hand down her face. She wasn't getting out of this one, but she was damn well going to try.

"Player, save me the lecture. My head is killing me and I gotta run to the restroom. Talk to you later. Okay?"

"I'm not gonna stop bugging you, you know."

"Do I ever," she mocked sarcastically before hanging up.


	2. Chapter 2

It was several hours later and Carmen was feeling "normal" again. She showered, got fresh clothes on, ate, and even napped for a bit, so that she was functional. But all that care was just nursing her physical needs. She laid back in bed with her headphones on, as she took several more puffs out of her vape. A half hour later, she was in a good place. It was enough to calm her from her emotional stress. Still very much coherent, she was startled to death by the pounding at her door. Freaking out, she hid her vape in her bag and stumbled across the room. As she looked through the peep-hole, she relaxed, opening the door.

"Erica," said a sultry voice as Carmen opened the door.

"Hey," she responded, eyeing the familiar, slender and sexy brunette that she had met days prior.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" she teased.

"How'd you find me?" Carmen asked, her eyes hazed over.

"I was here two nights ago. Did you forget already?" she said, closing the space between she and Carmen, as she threw her arms around her neck to pull her in close into a forceful kiss.

Carmen didn't protest, smelling that mix of perfume and scented lotion, she remembered exactly who this woman was and what she did with her two nights ago. She eventually pulled away though, not really interested in going for round two. The woman, however, had become quite fond of Carmen, and didn't quite take to her refusal. The woman insisted, pushing herself onto Carmen and backing her up against a wall. Carmen was pinned, as the woman continued to aggressively kiss her, running her tongue down her neck, nibbling softly, as she continued to grind on her. Eventually, Carmen's body reacted to the woman's advances, causing her to suddenly change her mind into indulging in another round of pleasure.

It was a few hours later, and by then, the room had gotten dark. Carmen awoke, with the woman laying next to her, with the brunette's head on her chest. They were both nude, barely covered by the thin sheet covering that the motel dared to call a blanket. Carmen tossed her head back down on the pillow, sighing deeply as she stared into the ceiling that showed the reflecting lights of cars and streetlights outside the room. It always ended like this. Every encounter she humored, generally left her empty and despising herself. No matter who she held in her arms, they never felt right. Her needs, in a way, were never met. If it was even possible, she was left even lonelier. She was about to go back to sleep and let this go by like it always did, until her phone rang. She didn't even need to look at the phone to know who was on the other end. Player had no qualms about calling people whenever he felt like it, and whatever time it was. He was always persistent.

Carmen ignored the ringing a few times. One, because the phone was too far from reach, and two, even though she could care less about who she was currently sharing the bed with, having the warmth of another body next to her, was comforting when compared to the cold sheets, alone. She didn't want to disturb that. However, the phone kept ringing and ringing and ringing, until the incessant sounds woke Carmen's companion, annoying them both.

"Sorry, have to take this," she said, excusing herself from the cozy nest.

Crawling off the bed, she struggled to find her phone. She followed the sound of it until she saw its faint glow on the ground, under the woman's black skirt that had been tossed there earlier that evening.

"Heyyyy, Player...," Carmen answered, with as much fake enthusiasm as she could muster up.

"What?" he asked, clearly picking up on her annoyed tone.

"Don't what me. You really need to take a hint sometimes, especially when I don't pick up your call the fourth time around."

"Yea, well, based on what I know now, we needed to talk, and I know you would've avoided me otherwise."

"You've got me there."

"Red, I love you and you've got me worried. What's going on?"

"Player, what do you even know? You're probably getting all worked up about nothing."

"You really wanna know? I have all the places you've flown to. All the hotels and shit holes you've stayed at. I've seen how short your trips had been. Hell, I've even seen some of the places you've frequented. You're a damn ex-criminal, Carm. If you wanted to keep your whereabouts secret, you could've at least used one of those non-traceable credit cards or something."

"So...you're saying you know where I've been. Congratulations Player, you haven't lost your touch," she said with much sarcasm, as she fumbled to throw a pair of underwear and a shirt on.

"And I know what you've done. For the most part. You hit up a lot of liquor stores for someone who's traveling on vacation."

"It's cheaper than being milked at the bars for drinks."

"Bull. Shit. Red, you're drinking again. That usually means you're doing other stuff too. If there's one thing I know about you...generally speaking anyway, is that you never do things halfway," he sighed heavily. "Please tell me you're not doing anything else stupid."

Carmen chuckled then joked, "I don't think it's nice of you to call my lady friend that."

"Jezus Red..."

"Look, Player. Thank you for your concern. Really. I'm fine. Now, if you excuse me, I have a sexy brunette waiting for me."

Carmen was about to hang up on the phone until she heard him plead.

"Red, don't hang up. You do, and I'm calling Ivy and Zack to go get you. Now. I mean that."

Carmen cursed under her breath, then responded, "Fine."

"Erica...are you coming back to bed?" the woman called over.

Muting her phone temporarily, she responded to the woman, apologizing for her rude interruption, but that it was important, and that it was going to be a while. The woman wasn't thrilled, but understood. Without having her companion to share the evening with, she eventually picked up her things and left, with the promise of returning again. Carmen unmuted the phone and continued her conversation.

"Okay. You have my undivided attention. But you owe me for that one."

"No. I don't. And you and I both know that that woman meant nothing to you."

"I swear. Sometimes, I feel like you're honestly watching me. Freaks me out."

"I just know you. Despite your attempts to hide it. Doesn't help that you're pretty much usually the one to open up to me about things, so all I have to do is piece the puzzle together. For the record though. I never spy on you. Or anyone in the fam really."

"I know, I know," Carmen chuckled.

With as annoyed as Carmen could get at Player when he gets protective and overly worried like this, she couldn't help but find a sense of comfort in hearing his voice. For years they've kept company, with his voice in her ear, guiding her through missions, chatting to fill each other in on their lives, or just rant about what's bothering them. They were close and it was hard to stay mad. Especially when she was sober enough to admit that he was right for his concerns.

"Look, Red, I'm not going to talk about what you've done these past six months. Honestly, I don't think I really even want to know more than I do already. I just want to know that you're alright, and if there's something you want to talk about, I'm here. Just like you've always been there for me."

Carmen didn't know what to say exactly. She hadn't really been a model adult recently and she didn't even know where to start. She didn't want to have him worry further. She only responded with, "Thanks."

It was quiet on the line for a moment, with only the sounds of Carmen shuffling around on one end, and Player tapping on his keyboard on the other. 

"Alright, if you're not going to say something, then I will," he began. "I've had some free time on my hands these days, so, you know..."

"Idle hands do the Devil's work...," Carmen cut in.

"Yea, yea, I know," he laughed, "but this time it panned out. I got you some news."

Carmen scoffed. "News?"

"Yea, some relevant data."

"Player, I'm on vacation from that kind of stuff. If it's about V.I.L.E. or some other similar, secret, evil organization, I really don't wanna hear about it."

"It's about Argent."

Carmen fell still at the sound of that name. A name she hadn't heard in a long, long time. She became immediately concerned at the sudden mention of it.

"Is...is Jules okay?"

"Well, apart from the data I have about her current whereabouts, I can't really answer that."

"Player, cut the bull, okay. Why'd you even bring up her name?"

"Honestly, because it was the last time I ever saw...er...heard you truly happy. It's been years, Red. Years."

"Yes. Years, Player. Do you know how long it took me to get over her? Mentioning her name now, isn't exactly getting me to a happy place."

"It might."

"Not in the mood for games, pal."

"Fair enough. Look. I'm worried that you're headed down a slippery slope. Without the gang around to keep an eye out on you, who knows what you're doing. I know more than you let on about yourself sometimes, Red. I know you haven't been happy. Even after putting an end to V.I.L.E."

Carmen took a heavy sigh. "And?"

"And, so the only thing I thought of doing, is trying to find a way to get you happy again. Especially since you really won't talk to me about this particular issue that you're dealing with. Making me work for it and all..."

"And what are you trying to do, exactly?"

"Get you to Julia."

Carmen laughed out loud at his ridiculous suggestion. 

"Get me to Jules?" she continued laughing. "Right. Do you remember what happened last time? She was engaged. That was over...what? Seven years ago? I'm sure she's probably got a few kids of her own and everything."

"What if I told you she didn't."

"I'd say whatever."

"Would you say whatever, if I told you she never got married either?"

Carmen went quiet, not fully understanding what he meant, so he said it again.

"Carm, Julia Argent never got married. Ever."

"But she's still with that guy, right? Maybe they didn't have the money to do the wedding...," she said, her thoughts now fully engaged in the conversation.

"Not that I can tell on paper. She's still living in Italy though. The rental agreement is under her name."

Carmen fell silent. The news was a bit much. 

"Player," she breathed heavily. "Don't do this to me..."

"Do what?"

"Be an asshole. Get my hopes up again, after everything I've done to move on."

Player laughed. He knew that he finally got through to her.

"I'd be an asshole anytime if that meant helping you. And you know as well as I, that you never really moved on."

"Dammit, Player..."

"You still need her. Don't you?"

Carmen silently shook her head no, covering her face with her hand, but her heart came alive at the thought of Julia. Even she wondered why, considering how much time had gone by.

"Red, I'm getting you a flight over. At the very least, you'll have someone to confide in and talk to. You owe yourself that. And I'm sure you're partially thrilled at the idea."

"Sometimes...I hate you."

"No you don't," he said smugly as he laughed.

Carmen chuckled lightly. "So when do I leave?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. I know this is a really short chapter. Sorry about that. The good note is that the last chapter should be ready by the week's end :)

Player did pull through. He did get her back to Italy, in Parma. But, being that the flight was last minute, he couldn't have gotten her there any earlier than well past 7pm. To top it off, he hadn't found accommodations for her yet. Their timing was just that lucky, that there was a special event being held in town, booking up all the available hotels in the area. Nonetheless though, there she was, in the cab, closing in to the residential address Player had provided. In a moment of panic, she instructed her driver to stop and take her to the closest bar.

Carmen was a wreck. She wasn't sure that she was doing the right thing. What right did she have to suddenly come bursting back into Julia's life? Julia probably had her life together, even if she wasn't married to Tim, and Carmen was...well..., a mess. Her mind kept telling her it was a bad idea, with her stomach churning at the thought of even seeing Jules' face.

The pub was crowded for a weekend night, even in a suburb. However, Carmen attributed that to the festival that was going on in town. In all actuality, the crowd really didn't bother her. In fact, it was nice to be lost in the masses. Between the sounds, music and patrons, it gave her mind something else to focus on. She had finished drinking (several rounds later), and decided to stand outside to get some fresh air, as she made use of her vape once more. She was almost at peace, when her phone started buzzing.

"Hey Player, welcome to Italy."

"Good, you made it okay."

"Any luck with the sleeping arrangements?"

"No. Unfortunately. But I'm working on it. I may have something soon in the next hour or two."

"Good, because I'm beat and I'd really love to get some rest."

"Yea, don't worry. I won't...," Player suddenly stopped, realizing they were having a conversation without any urgency for her to go. "Carm, did you meet up with Julia yet?"

"Nope."

"Was she not home?"

"No, no. I'm pretty sure she is."

"Then...?"

"I can't do this to her. This isn't right for me to just show up on her doorstep. It's late, and...actually...I'm pretty sure she hates me," she said, pouring out excuse after excuse to avoid the encounter. She was scared half to death about it.

"Okay...based on the conversation you had with her last time, and the story of how you told me you ended it with her, I'd probably agree that you'd come across as a dick for showing up. Especially at this hour. At her home." 

"See?"

"But..."

"But?"

Player chuckled, half sounding a bit pensive.

"Player...," she said in a near lecturing tone. "What are you hiding from me?"

"Ahh...I'm so glad we're so far apart right now..."

"Player....What did you do?"

"I just texted Julia for you. Asked for a favor to see you. Told her that you were stranded..."

"You fucking did what??!"

"And she responded right away. I can't read her emotion well, based on what she texted...but...she didn't sound angry. Maybe even pleased?"

"Damn you Player..."

"Love you too, Red. Now go. She's expecting you."

"Sometimes...I really really do hate you."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, the final chapter. Took a while since this felt like it needed a lot of attention. Hopefully it's good enough. 
> 
> A few things. Okay...it gets kinda cheesy in my head for the final scene. Like I mentioned, this work was based off of another song. This time, I'll thank "Hey Jealousy," by Gin Blossoms for the inspiration. (Yea, throwback)
> 
> So, I hear this song consistently playing throughout the scene (where Carmen meets Julia at the door), like a movie would. At some point, I think I even listened to the song while writing. So much cheese... :) 
> 
> Anyway, I've referenced out specific lyrics, referenced in the quotes below, hopefully to add more depth to the story.
> 
> Happy Friday! :D  
> 

By the time Carmen was able to catch a cab, her wits were definitely not with her. The combination of ill decisions from the bar had started to catch up. As a myriad of substances wrecked havoc through her system and into her bloodstream, it became quickly evident that she was in no shape to be involved in such a nerve-racking moment. The world spun about slightly, her eyelids were heavy, and her mind and movements were a bit sluggish. Though, her heart pounded outrageously strong, swearing that it would burst through her chest at any moment. Its sustained thumping, strong, stressed and erratic, were all representative of the physical and emotional mess she was in. Liquor had this uncanny ability of knocking down the walls that kept her feelings contained, leaving her to deal with the scattered and shattered pieces it left in its wake.

She sighed heavily.

"Nice one, Carm. Add one more notch in the bad decisions column," she mumbled sarcastically to herself, realizing that she wasn't as sober as she'd like to be at this point.

She leaned her head up against the back of the seat in front of her, face in her hands as she closed her eyes momentarily. The driver caught sight of Carmen's distraught shape, piping up to comfort her.

"Not to worry, miss," he started. "We should be at your destination in 15 minutes. If all goes well, maybe even sooner."

She tensed up a bit at his words, knowing that every second that went by, she was getting closer and closer to her final destination. The lump in her throat stuck and her stomach churned. A combined feeling of knots, liquid and acid raged in a forceful dance in her abdomen. The thought of the destination rattled her, causing her nerves to sober her up only slightly, but just enough to allow her to focus a bit more at the task at hand. Through that she suddenly realized that she was afraid, worried of what Jules would think of her, seeing her like this. She was afraid to see the possible sight of rejection and hate in the woman's eyes. It bothered her so much, that she wanted to turn back.

Even though the thought crossed her mind, something was preventing her from doing so. True, she wouldn't want to face Player's lecturing, but she wasn't afraid of that (even though she'd probably never hear the end of it, until she inevitably made this trip again). But, it wasn't that at all. Deep in her heart she wanted to see Jules, wanted to see her face and cling onto that smaller frame. It was like that deep need to send drunken texts to the wrong person; poor decisions, excused by alcohol. She grunted quietly in frustration, running her hands down her face, then behind her neck, as she pulled her head down to her knees. A conflict of interests within her made her come to the conclusion that this wasn't the right thing to do, at least not until she was ready, and...a bit more sober. But, before she could say anything, the cab had stopped.

"Made good time. We're here," the driver acknowledged, relieved to know that his passenger held up through the ride.

For a moment, Carmen didn't move. She wanted to tell him to go back.

"Back where?" she grumbled under her breath, relenting to the idea that she had no place else to go, doubtful that even the driver would even be willing to let her go back to the bar.

"Miss? Are you alright?" he asked with soft concern in his voice.

Carmen felt defeated. She was exhausted, worn down between the travel, lack of sleep, the turmoil of emotions, and everything else. All that was left was a nagging sensation to rest and be comforted. Eyes still closed, her mind subconsciously flashed an image of Julia and her smile. That was all it took. That intoxicating look of hers, warmed her soul to such a degree, that it became her only focus. In that instant, her heart had won the battle.

Carmen swallowed hard, steeling herself. With the slowest of movements, she sat upright. She thought that _this_ was the only place she meant to go. After all, it was the reason she was there to begin with. She eventually nodded at the driver, paying the fare and tipping him well for his services, then got out.

She stood in front of Julia's doorway, debating on ringing the bell. Her heart continued to hammer in her chest, nervous still about the whole ordeal. And though she had convinced herself to go through with this, her mind was still not fully coherent, despite her attempts to do so. She couldn't even focus on what she should even say when Julia opened the door. Grunting once more, she took a deep breath, finally drawing up the courage to move forward and to face her past, whatever may happen, and however it unfolded. 

"Well, here goes nothing," she said with a deep exhale.

It didn't take long, once she made her presence known. The door buzzed open and she made her way inside, up the two flights of stairs, which, in her case, was quite a feat. As she made it to the top of the landing, she saw, from across the hall, a figure, backlit by the lights of her dwelling. Carmen froze in her tracks.

"....Jules?..." she questioned nervously.

"Carmen...," the voice responded softly. 

That single word carried with it a combination of relief, heartfelt concern, and...surprise. Carmen, clung onto that somewhat positive tone, allowing it to give her the courage to press forth.

The woman didn't move from those shadows, but that voice was all too recognizable. That ever sweet, accented voice was music to her ears. She didn't realize, that even after so long, how comforting it would be to hear that woman say her name.

Carmen paced slowly, partially because of the intoxication, and part from shame. She continued forward, eyes unable to look ahead. Her gaze hung low, as she fidgeted on the strap of a backpack she had over her shoulder. When they were finally within arm's distance of each one another, Carmen stopped, lifting her head to finally see Julia's face. The woman looked like she hadn't aged. Her face was the same; those deep dark eyes, those freckles, that fair skin. The woman even appeared to be wearing the same set of glasses that framed her face in the same way. And her hair, though only slightly longer, was as she remembered; the same black, tamed and well groomed pixie cut. It was surreal to her to see the ex-agent after so long. Her nerves were shaky at best, and she suddenly felt unworthy of being in her presence. 

Julia was dumbstruck. The voice over the phone wasn't bluffing after all. Carmen was there. Or so it seemed. At first, Julia doubted it. The woman in front of her looked so different. She was wearing dark, distressed jeans, with black sneakers, complimented by a dark, slim fit shirt, a dark gray hoodie and a black leather jacket; a woman in black, instead of the usual bright red. Her hair was also much much shorter and a bit dishevelled looking. Had she not been told to expect Carmen, she wouldn't have guessed it right away. But, as she stared at the woman's face, and into her eyes, she slowly saw the same person she had known, all those years ago. Those gray, captivating eyes were still the same as she'd ever remembered, but this time, there was an cloudiness to them. One that echoed an intense sadness that lingered beneath.

  
_"Tell me do you think it'd be all right_  
_If I could just crash here tonight_  
_You can see I'm in no shape for driving_  
_And anyway I've got no place to go"_

  


"Jules...," she said once more, voice shaky as she darted her eyes away. "I...I'm sorry for barging in on your life...again..."

Before she could say anything else, the next thing Carmen felt, was Julia wrapping her arms around her head, pulling her down into her shoulder. Julia knew. She felt what those gray eyes of hers was communicating to her, and knew that Carmen's mouth was afraid to speak them. So, in her own way, she wanted to comfort her, in a way only _she_ could. And in that embracing gesture, Carmen fell apart. Tears fled from her eyes and her heart ached, with both sorrow and relief. Carmen held tight, wrapping her own arms around Julia's back, squeezing as if this moment would slip away if she didn't.

  
_"And you know it might not be that bad_  
_You were the best I'd ever had_  
_If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago_  
_I might not be alone"_  


  


And so they stayed like that, for quite some time, until Carmen was ready, and when she was, Julia just smiled, leading her inside.

  


* * *

  


  
_"The past is gone but something might be found to take its place"_

  


Walking inside, the apartment was soothing. It had warmth that radiated not just through the air and the surroundings of the cozy home, but in a true heart-felt sense. Alone, the woman's presence magically brought tranquillity to her heart, penetrating through...everything. Carmen started to grow wary then. She realized that she was suddenly falling back into hold habits, yearning for what she had lost, romanticising the idea that things could be as they once were, and she didn't even know that those feelings still existed. They'd been buried deep, through years and years of various distractions.

  
_"Hey jealousy_  
_Hey jealousy_  
_Hey jealousy_  
_Hey jealousy"_

  


Julia made her way into the kitchen preparing some tea, while Carmen looked upon a mantle of photographs. Her eyes flickered over the faces and smiles. None of them were of her, of course, and there were many people she didn't know. Except for one, Tim. She looked upon the photograph; a happy couple, with his arms around her waist, as they stood in front of an elaborate water fountain. All of a sudden, a flash of jealousy and fear sent a spark through her. She remembered everything, including all the feelings that churned her stomach the day she met him. Once again, her mind vividly came up with wild thoughts of how close those two must have been, recognizing all the intimate moments they must've shared. She clenched her fists; which offered the best consolation she could provide herself at the time. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to calm herself. She cursed the alcohol for causing all her emotions to be left unchecked and difficult to control. After a few breaths, she tossed those feelings aside. For now. She wasn't sure if Julia was still with Tim, but she didn't want to bring it up, not yet anyway. She didn't want to ruin the moment, and possibly, her only chance to reconnect with her. She internalized her feelings, cursing herself for even thinking of those thoughts, when all the while, it didn't even matter. The past was the past, and she'd carried that burden for so long, knowing that it was her fault for pushing Julia away.

"Tea's ready. Come join me if you wish."

Carmen walked over to sit on the couch next to her, making sure she kept a good distance between them.

"I have sugar and honey" Julia gestured.

"No, this is fine. Thanks."

They sat in silence, side-by-side, both minding their tea. They didn't face one another, almost as if they were afraid to acknowledge the other's presence. It stayed as such until Carmen spoke up.

"Nice place you got here, Jules."

"Thank you. I only recently moved in. It was much nicer than my old place."

"It's cute."

There was another awkward window of silence, until Julia turned her head, looking over her shoulder to take a better glance at Carmen. Julia wondered how Carmen ever got to this state. The woman didn't seem as confident or cheery as she had used to. Instead, she now looked tired, exhausted even, with bags under her eyes, and slouched shoulders. Her hair was cropped, short and messy, and she reeked of alcohol and...a hint of something else.

"It's been a long time, Carmen. How...how are you?"

"Good. Never better," she said, lying through her teeth. She continued to stare at the cup of tea in her hands.

"You don't have to lie to me, Carmen. It may have been a while, but...I can still tell when something's wrong. And this time, it appears that it's worse than that," she said with concern, placing her hand over Carmen's, hoping that the woman would lower her guard.

Carmen felt vulnerable to the woman's touch. She hated that she was losing control, even after all these years. It was a surprise to her that Julia still had such an effect on her. That feeling, frightened her.

"We...we've finally put an end to V.I.L.E.," Carmen said, deflecting.

Julia forced a smile, acknowledging the success of the woman's life-long mission, but still worried for her. "I believe congrats are in order. That must've been a huge undertaking."

"It was. The missions and the operatives were getting harder and harder to deal with. But in the end, it worked out for the best. I may have even won over the hearts of Devineaux and his boss," she chuckled lightly, trying to smile.

"Yet...you still seem unhappy," Julia continued, returning back to the subject that was earlier dismissed. She expertly watched Carmen's every facial twitch, listened to every hitch in her voice, and took note of every nervous movement her body made.

Carmen just chuckled again, trying to brush it all away. 

"Guess just dealing with the day to day, without anything to do after that, got me bored. There wasn't much to live for..."

Carmen suddenly froze, realizing that even though those words had never been truer, she didn't mean to make it sound the way it did. She knew that if Julia was quick enough to catch on, it'd be cause for concern. And she was right, Julia immediately put down her tea, took Carmen's away as well, and placed them both on the table. She then took both of Carmen's hands, sandwiching them in hers.

"You don't mean that. I know how much of the world you've always wanted to see. How you've wanted to experience and see it all. I've seen the twinkle in your eyes when you talk about the ancient and secluded lands in Masada, or the joy in your voice that time you went to Sukhothai, in Thailand to visit that Buddhist temple. There's still so much in the world to experience. Your heart must still beat for that? Doesn't it?"

Carmen looked down at her hands, gently covered by Julia's, and listened to her words. At first, she was right. She did want to continue and explore all the world had to offer, but try as she might, it just never gave her the same sense of fulfilment like it used to. It was as if she'd lost that joy, worlds and wonders all melding together so that an ancient ruin here, started to look like the same ancient ruin some place else. Masterpieces of art, were variations of the same paintings and marvels across the globe. Scrolls and history texts held no meaning different than in others in another corner of the world. They were all bits of paper, remnants of a life from the past, that suddenly held no meaning for her. They were all just ink, paint, rocks, rubble. There was nothing distinct enough to pique her interest or provide that "thrill".

She contemplated what to say, tugging at whatever brain cells were functioning, arguing back and forth in her head that this was still a bad idea, regardless of the comfort her heart was feeling. In fact, she started to regard these feelings like betrayal. Everything she did to move past it all, all the good decisions and bad ones, now felt worthless, returning her back to the ruined state she had been, nearly identical to when she had left Jules the first time. She argued how she'd once again intruded on the life of a perfectly content woman, now only filling her with concern and worry, for someone she had probably already forgotten; someone she had already pushed out of her life.

She swallowed hard, trying to tell her feelings to shut up, but it was taking life, grabbing hold onto every piece of Carmen's body, rattling her nerves, increasing her heart rate, shortening her breath, watering her eyes, all begging for release. It called out for Julia, just like its always had, but Carmen was trying her best to hold it all in. It wasn't right to do that to her. Or was it? She was afraid of what it all meant, and what it may do to them both, if she uttered a single word to hint at her true feelings.

Julia watched as Carmen remained silent, but she could tell that the gears in the woman's mind were turning. However, something was off. It was not in serious contemplation like she'd been used to seeing in the past, when the thief had tried to outsmart or outwit her competition. There was something else. There was almost a sense of...fear, or else something that she was desperately trying to hide, but pretty much failing to do so. Her body language was certainly giving it away, almost wanting to speak out for her when the words just couldn't come out, just like it did in the hallway.

Julia always had felt a connection to Carmen, whether or not she denied it. She could never fully shut the door on her, though she played that game well for years. And now, seeing the woman in the worse shape that she could have ever imagined, she instinctively had the urge to comfort her and be by her side. Without much thought, she picked up her hand, reaching it towards the woman's cheek, and ran her thumb down her skin, as she graciously tucked in the loose strands of hair around her ear. Carmen closed her eyes, falling into that gesture of comfort, tears threatening to fall once more. Yet, in her failed attempts to do so, a single one managed to escape, carving a wet trail down her cheek. It was enough for Julia to see how much pain Carmen was in.

"I...I should probably go. This was all a mistake," Carmen said, finding it harder and harder to deal with it all. She felt suffocated. 

Suddenly, she stood from her seat and headed for the door. As she grabbed onto the door handle, Julia called back to her.

"Carmen Sandiego!" she said, voice shaking with trepidation. "Don't you open that door! Don't you dare leave like that again!" she commanded sternly, using every ounce of courage she could get out.

Carmen stopped immediately. Those words shot through her.

The woman, once in red, now draped in darker shades of black and gray, finally let those demanding words sink in. Julia was right. She didn't deserve this again; to be walked out on without a proper explanation and without her voice on the subject. Carmen needed to let her feelings come through and allow Julia to speak her mind, regardless of what the outcome was, regardless of how vulnerable she was (and had been for so long), and regardless of how dumb she felt...for everything. It was time to pour her feelings out. _She_ deserved that much. Denying herself once more would have done nothing but become a burden again, a destructive force, capable of tearing down even the most capable of thieves.

"Talk to me Carmen," she demanded.

Carmen closed her eyes, then let go of the door handle.

"Fuck it," she said quietly to herself.

Carmen turned around slowly, mustering every ounce of courage she could get together. Then, she looked up at Julia, who stood there, looking worried, unsure, and clearly upset. Carmen finally let her bleeding heart spill from her mouth.

"Jules. Julia...I love you," she said helplessly.

Her voice trembled, as she clenched her fists, arms anchoring her sides. Looking to the floor, she shut her eyes and continued.

"I've...I've always loved you....I've never stopped," she stuttered, as tears continued to pour down her face. There was no stopping them now.

"I made a mistake. A huge, huge mistake of letting you go..."

Carmen's body weakened at the release of emotions that was surging out of her. The trembling, the tears, the heat on her face, the sweat in her fists, everything, was exerting so much energy, but her heart never felt freer.

"After that night. After V.I.L.E. After everything...I realized that all that ever really mattered was you...I've never felt so alone, Jules. After I lost you...After thinking that you and Tim were going to live together forever and...and that I was no longer in the picture...I think...I think a part of me died. I was angry...jealous...sad...I've never felt that way before....and...until now, I didn't know that all I ever really needed in my life was you," Carmen stuttered, her words mixed in with small gasps as she let out controlled sobs.

  
_"You can trust me not to think_  
_And not to sleep around_  
_If you don't expect too much from me_  
_You might not be let down"_  


  


"Jules...the minute I saw you here, tonight...the minute I felt your arms around me...I knew. I knew then that it was you all along. No amount of alcohol, or...or....anything else I turned to, could fill that void in my life. But your voice...that smile...your warmth...In that one moment...for once I felt like I was able to breathe...to feel again..."

Carmen took a minute to recover. She was starting to feel severely light-headed. Julia walked up towards Carmen, standing so close, that they could feel each other's body heat, as they barely touched each other.

"I'm so...so sorry. I can never make up for what I did to you. To us... I knew you must've been angry and probably still hate me now. I fucked up, Jules...I know that now..."

  
_"'Cause all I really want is to be with you_  
_Feeling like I matter too_  
_If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago_  
_I might be here with you"_

  


Carmen remained standing where she was, not moving an inch, as Julia stepped even closer. The woman placed her hands around Carmen's neck and laid her forehead against her own. Carmen felt the need to step away, not feeling worthy of even being around her, especially after everything, but this time, she listened to her heart. That pounding in her chest pleaded for her to stay, almost echoing _to just...please...stay_.

Julia took her hand and pulled Carmen's head to her shoulder, in almost the same manner she had done so earlier that evening. Her other arm wrapped around the woman in a deep embrace, pulling her tightly against her chest. Tears silently left her own eyes, her heart melting as she listened to all the pain, regret and sorrow that Carmen had endured and carried for so long. Julia _felt_ it all in Carmen's words. 

As she noticed Carmen shaking in her arms, she heard her say it again.

"I love you...so much Jules..."

Julia broke down. Those final, desperate words pierced her heart, tugging at the last bit that held her own emotions in. She had waited so long to hear them, wishing hopelessly through the years that Carmen hadn't forgotten about her, despite her refusing to acknowledge the masked feelings that Carmen had shown to her, back then when she had visited her many years ago. Though, Julia had been stubborn then too, burying her love for Carmen, allowing pride and fear to dictate the outcome that befell them. 

They couldn't see eye to eye then, their actions betrayed the feelings that their hearts were so desperately fighting to hold on to. But, fate had its way of bringing these two back together. Through the years, despite the distance between them, there was always something inside them, telling them to make its way back to the one person that made them feel special and whole. Carmen had her void and Julia had uncertainty and doubt. It was that doubt that led her to believe that she couldn't marry Tim. She loved him, but not in the way that her heart needed, and she felt it immediately. She ended things with him, a few months after seeing Carmen that day, and had never fallen for anyone since.

But now, everything fell back into place, as it should have always been, and they felt it.

  
_"The past is gone but something might be found to take its place"_

  


"Forgive me...," Carmen whispered, weeping uncontrollably into Julia's shoulder.

Julia held her tighter in her arms.

"I love you Carmen. I...I always have. Please...this time...please stay with me...," Julia whispered back. Her voice begged the same pleading words her heart had always felt.

Carmen collapsed further into the woman's arms. She couldn't believe what she heard. She held tighter onto the frame of the woman that she had once lost. She had to convince herself that this was real. It took her mind a moment to process the words that told her that she was given a second chance, back into Julia's life, despite everything.

"I will...for as long as you'll have me...," Carmen responded, choking on her words. "I'll never, ever leave you again..."

Julia tipped Carmen's head up with the crook of her index finger, guiding her chin until their lips met. Supple lips met slightly chapped ones, with an electrifying jolt that both had missed. Carmen pulled Jules closer, pressing their lips even more, as she relished in the feeling of finally being home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Let me know what you think! I'd love to hear your thoughts. :D


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